So, the last year has happened and I haven't posted anything. In fact, I removed all my old posts while I was going through some tough times that had my life under a microscope. But I'm back and looking forward to a new challenge for the month of November 2019. Last year I did Nanowrimo and tried to write a novel for the millionth time. I got burned out half way thru the 50k goal, ran out of story to tell, and realized that my life is not meant to be lived as a romance author, no matter how many books I've devoured in the past 25+ years. But I love the community that exists for the event that takes place every November. Many of the stationery and planner lovers out there are also writers, at least for the month of November. And I want to be a part of that, even though I know that I'm not a writer in my soul. So I came up with my own challenge - I'm going to blog and journal 50k next month. Why both? Because I need to pour my inner musings out and some of the trains of thought are not fit for public consumption. I've been burned by posting things that were better left unsaid before, and I'm not going to put myself in that position again. Besides, not everything that goes through my head is worthy of being read by strangers. There's a fair amount of, "I wonder if I should..." that I do over things like which pen looks best in my notebook, or how many eggs I should hard boil for the week, ya know? I also have a boyfriend and daughter who live with me and don't necessarily want their lives chronicled for the public to see. Although they will more than likely be featured from time to time. So, that's the plan - blog in public, journal in private, write 50k, and hopefully feel less depressed and lonely by getting back to something I've long enjoyed.
I'm not sure yet what the blogging will consist of. I have a week or so to figure that out. But my journaling will be stream of consciousness. The most turbulent times in my life have been survived by writing out every thought that crossed my mind. I remember being in college and writing for literally hours between classes in a spiral notebook, going back and forth between scenarios that could play out in my life in regards to my love interest at the time, my eventual ex-husband. Every thought that went thru my head went down on paper. I'm not sure that it's the healthiest way to get through something rough, but it seemed to ground me, so I took it. As an anxiety sufferer, grounding is supposedly key. It can help with panic attacks to observe your surroundings and get out of your own head. For me, writing everything I'm thinking seems to drain the worry. As if it just needs to be said to be forgotten. I don't generally re-read what I've written - that's not the point of it. The point is to get it out of my head. Get my head clear so that I can focus on the really important stuff that I want to do. Sometimes that is just sitting with a clear headspace, staring at the wall, but other times it's focusing on tasks and responsibilities that otherwise get left behind. Right now I'm wondering what notebook I should use. Pen or pencil. MacBook or iMac. If the iMac, I need to get a mousepad. I can't afford to buy anything until my next paycheck. I hope I worked enough hours in the past 2 weeks to get a decent check. I guess I better journal it all out and see what unfolds.
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