Thursday, October 31, 2019

The Uncurated Life Podcast: What Is Toxic Positivity? | #73

Cindy makes some good points and I really enjoyed listening to this episode of her podcast:  The Uncurated Life Podcast: What Is Toxic Positivity? | #73  Too many people are all about positive phrases.  They blame people for their poor luck or negative life experiences.  They minimize what people are struggling with.  One person on my Facebook feed jumps to mind when I was listening to the podcast and reading the article it mentions by Dr Allison.  She's telling people they don't need to be in a negative relationship, even though she's apparently in a good one.  She's telling people that they can be supermodel thin if they just do the work like she does.  Not everyone has a cushy job that they're overpaid for.  Not everyone can afford childcare so that they can spend hours every day at the gym, or money to buy all the special smoothie ingredients for a special diet. And those facts do not make people any "less."  They just have a different path to take, and I'm sure they're trying to make the most of it. I will admit that I could be trying harder.  I could do more, but it sure isn't easy.  And some days I'm just trying to make it to the end of the day.  Living in day-tight compartments like Dale Carnegie suggests.

Tuesday, October 29, 2019


So, I've decided that my challenge for November 2019 will be to journal 50k words during the month and blog about it.  I've planned out a blogging schedule to update the world with my progress 3 times a week.  It'll be 14 blog posts over the course of the month, which is a vast increase compared to my last 2 years of blogging here & there when the inspiration struck.  I still haven't decided whether to journal by hand or on my computer.  The main difference will be how I count words - either manually or letting a computer do the work.  I have plenty of paper and writing utensils that are waiting to be put to use, so there is a draw to doing it longhand on some overpriced stationery.  I have fountain pens and gel pens that are dying to be used.  And it's not like I plan to ever go back and read the nonsense I write.  It's not like a book I plan to type up and publish.  The point of #Gettoknowyourself50k2019 is to spill my guts and maybe learn some things about myself while I'm at it. 

Today was a little exciting because I found an opportunity that seems to be a good thing for me.  It will require me to make a phone call tomorrow to inquire about it, which I'm a nervous wreck about tonight.  But I'm hoping for some good news soon, so that I can put part of my stress away for a while.

The other exciting things that happened today was that I went back to brown hair and I got my new phone.  The iPhone 11 is taking a bit of getting used to since it has no home button.  I'm used to having the do the finger print to open or log into things.  On the new phone it just uses my face, which seems to work even in the dark.  Kind of scary how that works.  My blue hair is now back to a brown shade that is still lighter than my natural color.  After being bleached to death, my hair is like straw and will need to be seriously cut short, either in a month by Henry, or sooner if I can't take it that long.  I could have kept it blue for a while longer, but I was tired of it.  It had been blue since my birthday back in February, and I was sick of it. 

Saturday, October 19, 2019

Fresh Start

So, the last year has happened and I haven't posted anything.  In fact, I removed all my old posts while I was going through some tough times that had my life under a microscope.  But I'm back and looking forward to a new challenge for the month of November 2019.  Last year I did Nanowrimo and tried to write a novel for the millionth time.  I got burned out half way thru the 50k goal, ran out of story to tell, and realized that my life is not meant to be lived as a romance author, no matter how many books I've devoured in the past 25+ years.  But I love the community that exists for the event that takes place every November.  Many of the stationery and planner lovers out there are also writers, at least for the month of November.  And I want to be a part of that, even though I know that I'm not a writer in my soul.  So I came up with my own challenge - I'm going to blog and journal 50k next month.  Why both?  Because I need to pour my inner musings out and some of the trains of thought are not fit for public consumption.  I've been burned by posting things that were better left unsaid before, and I'm not going to put myself in that position again.  Besides, not everything that goes through my head is worthy of being read by strangers.  There's a fair amount of, "I wonder if I should..." that I do over things like which pen looks best in my notebook, or how many eggs I should hard boil for the week, ya know?  I also have a boyfriend and daughter who live with me and don't necessarily want their lives chronicled for the public to see.  Although they will more than likely be featured from time to time.  So, that's the plan - blog in public, journal in private, write 50k, and hopefully feel less depressed and lonely by getting back to something I've long enjoyed. 

I'm  not sure yet what the blogging will consist of.  I have a week or so to figure that out.  But my journaling will be stream of consciousness.  The most turbulent times in my life have been survived by writing out every thought that crossed my mind.  I remember being in college and writing for literally hours between classes in a spiral notebook, going back and forth between scenarios that could play out in my life in regards to my love interest at the time, my eventual ex-husband.  Every thought that went thru my head went down on paper.  I'm not sure that it's the healthiest way to get through something rough, but it seemed to ground me, so I took it.  As an anxiety sufferer, grounding is supposedly key.  It can help with panic attacks to observe your surroundings and get out of your own head.  For me, writing everything I'm thinking seems to drain the worry.  As if it just needs to be said to be forgotten.  I don't generally re-read what I've written - that's not the point of it.  The point is to get it out of my head.  Get my head clear so that I can focus on the really important stuff that I want to do.  Sometimes that is just sitting with a clear headspace, staring at the wall, but other times it's focusing on tasks and responsibilities that otherwise get left behind.   Right now I'm wondering what notebook I should use.  Pen or pencil. MacBook or iMac. If the iMac, I need to get a mousepad.  I can't afford to buy anything until my next paycheck.  I hope I worked enough hours in the past 2 weeks to get a decent check.  I guess I better journal it all out and see what unfolds.