Saturday, November 9, 2019
I was stressed, so I began journaling again last month. This month, when my goal is to journal a lot, I'm actually so stressed I don't know what to write. I have lots going on. My aunt is in the ICU, my finances have been better, my daughter is being difficult, the list goes on. I know that somehow I will get through it all. I have no choice. But it seems really hard at the moment.
Tuesday, November 5, 2019
Yesterday I broke down and bought a Hobonichi Weeks Mega, after contemplating it for several weeks now. It should arrive on Thursday and I can’t wait. I am a planner junkie. In my current financial situation, I considered the $29 planner a splurge, but in comparison to some of the other planners I’ve purchased, it’s budget friendly. If anything, the pencil board I bought to go with it is the real rip-off. Of course, to go with the Weeks, I had to buy sticker printables on Etsy. I found a shop that had some pretty generic functional stickers like date covers and half and full box stickers, and bought a few kits too. Then I started thinking about how much thicker the planner is going to get if I put date covers on every page in the same place. Like my notebooks with washi tape on the edges, they do tend to bulk up. I watched some YouTubers flip thru some notebooks and they do get pretty thick. Eventually I will need a rubber band to hold it closed. I didn’t buy a cover for it yet because the ones that Jetpens sells don’t fit the Sneaker edition of the Mega, but eventually I plan to get a cover. I have to research the places that sell the size I need for the Mega Weeks, which is thicker already than the regular Weeks. I bought the Mega so that I could keep my bullet journal collections in the back instead of using a separate bullet journal. I can also brain dump and journal back there, since there are over 200 pages of note paper. I’m not sure yet what pen I’m going to use on the Tomoe River paper. It’s fountain pen friendly, but not good for gel pens because it takes a while for the ink to dry. One woman I watched said that she used Frixion pens in her planner. Since I’ve left notes written with Frixion in the car and had them disappear from the heat, I know better than to use those pens on anything I intend to keep long term. I’ve stopped buying ball point pens because I like Gel pens so much better, so this is a difficult choice for me. I do have my Bic and Papermate 4-in-1’s that I can use if I need to use ball point pens. Part of me liked the suggestion that Sam had that she liked the grey fountain pen ink on that paper, so it’s not quite so bold. I don’t have grey ink, so I would have to order some. But then I would be committing to using a fountain pen. And I’m not sure that works best on stickers - I think that tends to bleed.
So, I took a break and went out for the day, since I was having an anxiety attack and I needed to Do Something! I got breakfast, threw up my breakfast, went to Staples, went to Michaels, went to Target and bought some Acroball black fine point ballpoint pens, and then went to see my aunt at the hospital. I came home and cleaned up my wax warmer in preparation of waxing my niece and nephew’s eyebrows tonight. I threw some roast beef in the crockpot for our french dip dinner. All in all, I feel like today was a wasted day, not that I didn’t accomplish anything, but that I didn’t relax at all. My anxiety is high and I’m exhausted emotionally, if not physically. I haven’t gotten close to my word count for the day since day 1. Maybe using a different pen will make a difference there. I have 2 hours before I have to be at my brother’s house for waxing, so I will probably get some writing done while listening to forensic files in the background.
Saturday, November 2, 2019
I’ve never been one to blog on a schedule. When I first began blogging in the late 90’s, I wrote nearly every day. It was my chance to tell the story of my day. Then my world blew up in 2003 when my blog was found by my employer and some sentiments I expressed were viewed as overly negative and I lost my job. After that, I’ve been blogging rather inconsistently. I’ve been journalling inconsistently as well. So this month, in honor of #Gettoknowyourself50k2019, I’m setting a schedule of blogging at least 3 times a week, on top of my journalling daily. I’m not sure what the topic of my posts will be, or if it will be in relation to the challenge or other things, but I want to at least be consistent with the schedule. I have plans written down to blog on Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday of each week. Tuesday & Saturday should be easy because I don’t work on those days. Thursday will be a bit more of a challenge. I’ve decided that I’m going to write in my Oxford Campus Refill Pad when I don’t feel like typing. Sometimes I just need to write by hand. And although the paper is amazing and designed to be written on both sides, I’m keeping the paper bound in the notepad and only writing on one side so that I can keep all the pages together. After I write, I go back with a pencil and count the words so that I can keep track of how much I’ve written all together, between the blog, the typed entries and the handwritten entries. Yesterday was Day 1 of the challenge and I managed to write 1426 words. Obviously not the 1667 that is a daily average for the challenge, but still a good chunk. And I think writing more will be easier when I’m into the flow of things. At the beginning the blank page or document is intimidating. What do I write? What should I say? Should I share this or keep it private? Lots of doubts about whether I’m doing the right thing here or not.
I have to get going now. My job is requiring us to work overtime every weekend in November because they haven’t been able to hire or keep enough employees to run the business. I wish I could just say at home and find myself, but that’s not on my agenda for this morning at least. After work we’re planning to go see Jojo Rabbit. I hope it’s a good movie, because I’m especially sensitive about how I’m spending my time on my days off now that I don’t get a 2 day weekend to relax anymore.
Friday, November 1, 2019
So, it’s November 1st, the first day of Nanowrimo. As I’ve mentioned, I will not be participating in it this year, in favor of writing 50K words about my life. I plan to journal every day for 1667 words instead of working on fictional novel, which will stress me out in an already stressful time of my life. I’ve coined it #Gettoknowyourself50K2019. Writing 50 thousand words in any vein is a challenge. But I thought that I would get more out of writing about my day and experiences instead of writing a mediocre book. My last Nano experiences weren’t particularly enjoyable. I love the preptober aspect - finding all the stuff that will make sustaining yourself through the challenge possible. Last year I spent weeks trying to find the right paper and pencils and inks and fountain pens to write a novel. Then halfway thru the novel I got bored, ran out of plot, and gave up out of frustration. I found a YouTuber that does a great job showing how she outlines her novels, and if I was going to do it again, I would follow her example. Her name is Sarra Cannon and she’s an Indie author I follow on youtube. She does a great job of outlining her novels from everyone’s perspective, but she also uses fun stationery that sucks me in more than anything. I wish I would have come across her preptober video sooner, so that I could have spent time dreaming up a novel. Maybe next year, or maybe if I ever find the time to write a book. It’s long been a dream of mine to publish a book, but since I haven’t ever successfully written one, I don’t know how reasonable it is to have that expectation on my bucket list.
Today I’m still struggling between which format I want to use to write my 50k words. Do I want to write them on some good quality paper with a fountain pen? gel pen? Blackwing pencil? Cursive or printing? A4, A5, Letter sized paper? European or asian format? There are so many variables for someone with a stationery addiction like I have. The problem with writing on paper is that I would have to go back eventually and count the words, whereas if I type, I have a word count on the screen at all times. Maybe it depends on whether I’m at home or out somewhere and want to write. I was using my Traveler’s notebook with Fieldnotes inserts to journal during the month of October. That size was nice because the pages are small, however it was also cumbersome. My 2nd favorite option is an A4 Campus Refill Pad from England. The problem with that is that you can’t write on the back of the page unless you tear it out or prop the page on something thick enough to hold the back side up. And A4 paper is oversized. I have a mickey mouse A4 notebook around here somewhere but the paper quality isn’t as nice, and that’s really the selling point of the campus refill pads. I fell in love with those after seeing Zoe Kezia use them on her youtube channel when she shows how she makes revision notes and practices her handwriting.