Tuesday, January 10, 2017

Overwhelmed

If you've read my posts in the past, you will probably see a trend of me being on the edge of a nervous breakdown most days.  I am an anxious wreck most of the time.  The hardest part, I think, is not knowing what I'm stressed out over.  Sometimes it's obvious, but other times I have no idea why I feel like I'm gonna jump out of my skin.  This week has been that way so far.  I'm overwhelmed, so I take a nap because I'm both exhausted and trying to hide from whatever is bothering me.  Then I can't sleep at night when I should, which causes me to panic because how am I going to cope tomorrow if I can't sleep today?  It's so frustrating.  I've taken the past 2 days off due to not feeling like I'm capable of being a rational adult at work.  Tomorrow I have to work a half day, but I'm already panicking about my nap earlier this afternoon causing a problem with sleeping tonight.  I was writing something - actually, copying something - into my music & lyrics notebook and I was starting to get chest pains because I wasn't writing fast enough for myself.  I stopped and said, seriously, Shannon, what do you think is going to happen if this takes you a few more minutes?  No answer.  I suppose it's a good thing that I'm not answering myself out loud, but I sorta wanna know what causes me to feel like the world is going to end so often.  Living like Chicken Little sucks.

When I get stressed, I usually want to write.  Something, anything.  I'll copy the Weekend Top 30 countdown, or lyrics from a song I like, or some collection or other in my bullet journal.  Or I'll write in my journal.  In the past, that made me feel better, but lately that's not working either.  Neither is knitting, something that I initially used as a tension-headache reliever ~15+ years ago.  Watching videos or tv shows or listening to music - nothing makes me feel better anymore.  Brush lettering was working for a while, but then I started to get too focused on it and I think I lost my momentum with that by doing an Instagram challenge that has put requirements on it.

No comments:

Post a Comment