Friday, December 30, 2016

Fresh Start, Fresh Year

It's been a couple months since I've posted.  I've had some major successes and some setbacks.  I finished my Network+ course but didn't bother with the certification exam because it wasn't required and apparently most people were not passing it.  With my new career plans, it was unnecessary.  And the information just wasn't sinking in like I wanted it to.  I managed to crochet 2 Waterfall afghans - one for me and one for D's Mom's christmas gift.  I also crocheted the Caron Cakes Rainbow Sprinkles and Blueberry Cheesecake into 2 afghans big enough to sleep with.  They are super cozy by the way.  I survived Christmas.  But the past week or two have been really hard physically and mentally.  My anxiety has been absolutely through the roof.  My chest feels like it's caving in.  The Ativan isn't helping.  And then earlier this week I strained my neck while turning to look at my phone in bed, so I've been in pain from that.  I'm ready for this year to be over with already.  Next month is my last 4 weeks of work.  I have a lot of half days planned.  And if this neck isn't better, I might take some sick time to rest.  It's gonna be a ghost town with everyone using their sick and vacation and personal time in such a short timeframe.  Several friends are moving to other centers in the next 2 weeks as well.  And not seeing my co-worker friends will be tough.  I've been with the same few people for 2 years now.  To deal with the letdown of my job ending, D is taking me to Disney World for a week.  My idea, not his.  I just know that I'm gonna be in a huge funk after so much adrenaline leading up to our final day, and I don't want to crash hard the next week when reality sinks in.  February will be my month to recuperate from the last 12 years of anxiety and soul crushing.  Then I hope to start back to school in March.

Since I'm going to be focusing on rebuilding my life & career in 2017, I think it's reasonable that I'm trying to get my planner life in order.  It's not easy.  Right now I'm walking around with a huge totebag to hold my Erin Condren Life Planner, a Recollections planner from Michaels, a mini Happy Planner, a Leuchtturm A5 notebook as a bullet journal, and I have a regular Happy Planner sitting under a pile of crap on my couch downstairs.  I can't decide what I want to use or how.  One planner doesn't seem to be big enough to fit everything I want to document or plan.  And that's part of the problem.  I want it to be a record of what I did, but I also want to put my goals in it.  The problem is that if I put my to-do items in it and then don't check them off, it becomes a messy record of failure.  I flip through Instagram and see these layouts where everything is perfect and artsy and just want to give up.

So my first goal of the new year is to put it all out there, even if it's not pretty or perfect.  A hashtag that I plan to keep up with is #cultivatingcare.  It's being hosted by @PrettyPrintsAndPaper and @FischrJournals.   I'm going to keep up a journal this year - A fresh, lined Leuchtturm Master notebook.  I'm going to read the bible to see if spirituality helps ground me.  Practicing brush lettering because I find it so much more relaxing than coloring.  I'm going to make a habit tracker so that I don't forget what I'm trying to do here.  I want to stay on top of blogging so that I keep myself honest by sharing.  This year I will be 40.  This is the last time I will probably have a chance to dedicate so much time to reflecting and direction-correcting my life.  I want to make sure I don't squander this chance.

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