Sunday, June 5, 2016

Planner Envy (and the week I've had)

As I was sitting in bed this morning, thinking about all the things I need to do but have no ambition to start, I was flipping thru my planner and realized I needed to write a post today. It's in my planner, so doing this isn't avoiding my household chores. I like how that works. Anyway, I was staring at my blog planner spread in my bullet journal and tried to think of what I was going to write about. For the past week or two, I've had ideas come to me ahead of time and I've either written them down in my planner or just gotten right onto my blog and drafted the post ahead of schedule. But this morning, the pressure was on. The post was for Today. And the block was blank! I looked at the past notes from my posts - my washi tape and pen and marker and other bullet journal supply addictions. And then the fact that I'd been lusting after all the other stuff I'd been seeing people using on Instagram and some blogs I check periodically. Erin Condren's launch seemed to be the biggest news of the week in the planner community. Etsy shops and website stores were having sales in honor of this. I was seeing the posts of everyone decorating their planner with the massive amount of stickers designed specifically for the EC layout. It's not that this wasn't already happening, but this week the focus was huge. I went to her website and picked out a planner for myself on at least 3 or 4 occasions this week. I'm proud of myself for not hitting the submit button. The structure that her planners offer, the pretty colors and the cool personalization you can do to the cover are so tempting. But then I stop and realize that I've become pretty invested in the bullet journal in a more basic form. If I buy the EC planner, I'm gonna want to buy all the cute dashboards and stickers and accessories. I'll spend time putting stickers in every box on the page, and then what is the point of even having the planner, if you're covering the whole page with stickers. And the stickers aren't cheap. I've gotten a few pages of them from websites and Etsy, even though I was using them in other planners. I see people with these planners and they've got the whole page full of stickers, and all I can think is HOW MUCH are these people spending on stickers? I'm not judging, I'm curious. And also jealous of the artists who can make these stickers and probably live off the income. The other planners that I see a lot of people using are the Traveler's Notebooks, and their various spinoffs. FoxyFix has a pre-order stamp kit that I was drooling over this morning. I bought a cheap knock-off of the traveler's notebook at Michaels a few weeks ago. It came with 2 inserts. I intend to make more before I start using it. I found the Midori notebooks the first time I started bullet journaling a couple years ago. I loved the idea of having the DIY inserts. I tried to make a cover myself, but that was an utter fail. I've already invested in the paper cutter and long-reach stapler, so I'm ready to make my inserts. I might do that later today. The reason I haven't begun using the planner is that I'm not sure what I want to put in it. I'm about 70 pages from the end of my current bullet journal. I think when I fill this one, I'll try the Traveler's system next. I'm not sold on the narrower paper and smaller notebooks as far as page count. I'm worried that I'll fill the notebooks too fast and then have to swap them out and lose the ability to look at historical info more frequently. I love that I can make my own layouts and notebooks, with as many or few pages as I like, on any type of paper I choose. I don't love that "professionally made" notebooks are so expensive that I can't really justify buying some of the cool notebooks that are out there. But I love that I was able to get a decent cover for cheap at Michaels with a coupon, so when I'm ready to give the TN system another go, I'm going to at least have a sturdy cover for it. In other news, I'm about 14,000 steps behind on my US Road Running challenge for June. To avoid cleaning, I'm gonna hit the gym and do the treadmill for a couple hours, probably. Walking outdoors is too tempting to say "ok, that's enough" and turn around and go home. I need to find a movie to watch - that's what got me thru the gym one day a week ago. I spent an easy hour on the treadmill and then 45 minutes on the bike, and didn't mind it because I was watching This Is Where I Leave You for the first time. After the gym and a shower, I need to do some cleaning. My desk has become the dump zone. There's a lawn lounge chair, a food chopper, groceries, bills, magazines, hoodies, just about everything that doesn't belong there. I need to make sure this week is as stress-free as possible, since I've got stuff to do with the girls in the evenings this week, and I really need to put in an actual 40 hour week for a change. I'm expecting to get a call to schedule some surgery, and pre-op appointments are gonna start coming up. If I can work the whole week I'm maybe gonna buy myself an EC journal. Yes, I am bribing myself in an attempt to overcome my anxiety attacks. That type of thing rarely works for me, but I'm still gonna give it a try. Something else that happened to me this week was that I went to see the nutritionist and my PA at the bariatric surgeon's office. The nutritionist is probably a very nice woman, but she's young and skinny. The idea that she has a clue what fat people think or go thru is ludicrous. I'd spoken to this woman one other time and found that she hadn't a clue yet - she was new to the job at the time, and was really concentrating on the pre-op phase of weight loss. That was over a year ago. I knew I was getting off track with my eating habits and my body was starting to show it. I feel like I weigh 240 instead of 140. My target weight is 130-135, and those 5-10 pounds feel like a ton. So I went to see her for a tune-up. Sigh. She's still not very helpful. She gave me some generic printouts, told me that I shouldn't be depending on protein shakes or bars at this stage, and spent a lot of time trying to condemn my plans for my step challenge. The thing that people in her position don't understand is that condemning something just solidifies my resolution to prove her wrong. [I had the same experience with the social worker that was chosen to approve me "psychologically" for surgery in the first place. She told me I was going to fail. This skinny woman who I'd never met before tried to tell me that I was going to be a failure after speaking to me for all of about 10 minutes. I screamed and cried with that one. This time I had the benefit of knowing how things turned out the last time. Even as she was telling me "This sounds a lot like a crash diet... you need to schedule which days you're gonna go to the gym... if you can't do it for the rest of your life, don't try to do it... going to the gym every day is unreasonable..." I'm thinking to myself, this woman has no clue what she's talking about. She doesn't know me. She doesn't know how I think. She doesn't understand (no matter how I try to explain it, most people don't) that as soon as I schedule something, I resent having to do it. She doesn't know that when I set a short-term/public/specific goal, I am more likely to push myself to achieve it. I have the donut shirt and medal for my US Road Running Get Out and Run challenge to live up to. She doesn't know that I know myself better than anyone else, I'm realistic, I'm blunt, and I'm gonna prove her wrong now, no matter what it takes. I'm sure other people just nod and say they're gonna do what she says, but I'm not that type of person.

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