Thursday, April 28, 2016

The Insomnia/Anxiety Cycle

This week has been a terrible rat race for me.  Not the kind where you’re accomplishing something and there is a lofty goal you achieve at the end, either.  No, this is just the result of me not being able to sleep because I’m anxious, then being tired so I have no tolerance for anything, so my anxiety is sky high the next day just because I’m just so mentally exhausted.  When I try to sleep, all the worries I have about my life, my finances, my children, my job, and ironically whether I will be able to sleep or if I will still be tired again tomorrow, all flood my mind, making it impossible to fall asleep.

Now, occasional insomnia is no big deal.  But when it carries on and on, it’s damaging to your body and mind.  Lack of sleep can cause all sorts of issues with your metabolism, heart disease, strokes, and mental health concerns.  According to WebMD, naps aren’t a good treatment, although I have found that keeping myself awake all day after a sleepless night didn’t help either.
I’ve tried journaling to try to vent out my frustrations or worries before bed.  That usually leads me to new ideas that I then want to investigate or that I can’t stop thinking about.  My job offers no room for creativity, so when I get out of work I want to do all sorts of things that I can’t do during my work day.  My head is my own.  I can think about what I want, write what I want.  I’m not being bombarded with customers and their needs being my sole focus.  Maybe I need to doodle or something while I’m at work.  I’ve tried coloring and knitting or crocheting, but those things require some bit of concentration.  Picking colors is too much.  I sort of like how I got into the habit of just writing x’s with my Lamy Safari pen as I’m jotting notes about my customer, such as their names or complaints or call back numbers, etc.  Maybe doing that with some of my “fun” writing utensils like my markers or art pens will make it a more fulfilling experience.
May starts this weekend, and I’m gonna try to make this a month that I improve my feelings about my job.  I want to stop feeling like my 45 hours at work is a prison sentence.   I read a quote that you shouldn’t save things for a special occasion… every day is special.  I’m going to start using all my pens, markers, washi tapes, etc as much as I want.  What good are they doing, sitting in boxes and bins on my desk?   May is Use It Up month for me.

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