Tuesday, April 19, 2016

I'm a Sleeping Failure

Since about the 3rd grade, I’ve struggled to sleep properly.  I’m anxious or just so wound up with ideas racing through my head that I can’t fall asleep. If I do fall asleep, God forbid I wake up for any reason, because the challenge is just as bad in the middle of the night. Getting up to go to the bathroom could turn into a 4 hour slip into planet-Pinterest.  That’s what happened tonight. I got about 2 hours of sleep and then had to pee. Now my plans for starting my first Miracle Morning at 5am are up in the air, seeing how it’s 4:53am and I’ve been up since 2:38am.  See my FitBit sleep tracker!  I love this thing! The dark space is my sleep. 😱
And to make matters worse, I woke up and decided not to get up and go downstairs to my desk because I did intend to go back to sleep.  Instead I decided to browse Pinterest and pin things to write in my bullet journal later. Oh the horror!  Now I’ve wasted 2-3 hours creating more work for myself. If I had writers cramp from recording stuff as I went, I sure wouldn’t have kept looking for ideas!  Not that I typically get writers cramp now that I’m writing so much again. More likely I would have stopped when I got sick of the ink color I was using or decided I’d used enough of the ink in my ridiculously un-economical gel pens. Yeah, that is something that has stopped me in the past. Those refills aren’t cheap and if I have to order them online, I have to order a minimum of $25 to get free shipping. The struggle is real for a pen addict like me. 
While I was awake I also kept refreshing my email hoping I had missed a shipping confirmation for some pens and notebooks I ordered this weekend. Now those items are gonna take another day, at least, to get here and  the shipping is unbearably slow to begin with. I’m beginning to second guess myself on the stuff I purchased. Mainly that I bought soft covered notebooks to use as my next bullet journal. I suppose notebooks are, by design, meant to be in & out of backpacks and handled daily. For what these cost I hope they hold up better than the cheap back-to-school notebooks that cost about 90% less.  The paper quality is really what I’m paying/waiting for. Ironically, I’ve decided the ghosting isn’t bothering me near as much as I had expected in the Medium Leuchtturm dot grid notebook. I’m running the Medium and Master classic side-by-side this week to get a feel for the smaller layout possibilities. My new notebooks are an assortment of A5 Clairefontaine, staple-bound and cloth-bound, lined & grid ruled, notebooks. I think I’m gonna keep my Master Classic notebook for my master lists like all my audible.com audiobooks and iTunes movie library list.  Those are things that won’t change much over the next year or two. But the daily grind will go in the smaller notebook, which I can replace every few months as I fill it up.  And I really do intend to fill these notebooks with lots of juicy stuff like my grocery lists, where I ate dinner, and which movie I watched with my kids on Saturday afternoon. The details that are so small that I would forget them the next day if I didn’t write them down. 
That brings me to my next fear- forgetting the details.  I’m not sure if there are studies, but I assume there are, showing how writing things down to store them in your “external brain” impacts what you actually keep in your real brain. For instance, do you know the phone number of anyone you’ve met in the past 10 years?  I don’t. They are all in my phone. I can easily retrieve them, so why bother memorizing them anymore?  A skill I had mastered in elementary school has been obliterated by the invention of speed-dial and eventual cell phone contact lists. Will the same be true of my memories of the things I said or heard or saw or did?  Where I went or with whom?  I’m really nervous that I’m putting all my memory stock into a notebook.  It will become precious to me, but am I also giving something up?  Will my memories lose the chance to patina from handling; retelling the stories, reliving the moments?  I hope not. 

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